He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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