i just sold back the books i vomitted on
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
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