Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
