My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
