no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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