Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
