I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
