I think I won the penis lottery.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
