u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
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