roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
