I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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