somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
