I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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