We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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