i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
