I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
