When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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