haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
