as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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