Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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