I think i peed on brittanys purse
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
