Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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