I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
