college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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