i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
