So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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