he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
be right there i have to get my cape
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
