I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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