she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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