Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
