even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
