It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
