dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
