Just cropdusted the office
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
