For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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