Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
