your room smells of hookers.
And success
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
