She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
