How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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