I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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