I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
