Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
