I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
