Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
