My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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