Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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