So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You can't special order awesome
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
