Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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