just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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