I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
