Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
