You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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