Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
