What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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