I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize