Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
