I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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