I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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