I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
