yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
