i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Girls should come with a carfax report
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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