all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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