1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
