It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Did I show you my penis last night?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Your cock deserves a montage
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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