We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.