I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
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I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
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Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16