Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.

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  (412): He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower. http://tfl.nu/q9b8
  Replies (26) Good night (1133) Bad night (5888)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.

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  (+61): She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom. http://tfl.nu/ltjp
  Replies (43) Good night (1353) Bad night (9811)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.

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  (603): I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels. http://tfl.nu/ciic
  Replies (28) Good night (3547) Bad night (1701)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  You just said the magic words

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  (484): We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE. (610): You just said the magic words http://tfl.nu/8k47
  Replies (24) Good night (5862) Bad night (1120)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.

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  (407): I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame. http://tfl.nu/841f
  Replies (5) Good night (3645) Bad night (833)
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  (915): View more from Texas

  Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck

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  (915): Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck http://tfl.nu/avfi
  Replies (4) Good night (2903) Bad night (885)
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  (213): View more from California

  The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.

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  (213): The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out. http://tfl.nu/jmae
  Replies (4) Good night (2238) Bad night (742)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing

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  (856): I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing http://tfl.nu/iy02
  Replies (10) Good night (1261) Bad night (980)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead

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  (512): Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead http://tfl.nu/k2d6
  Replies (5) Good night (785) Bad night (470)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.

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  (515): Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours. http://tfl.nu/5w5c
  Replies (5) Good night (1693) Bad night (398)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"

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  (862): You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe" http://tfl.nu/u8zn
  Replies (3) Good night (1112) Bad night (667)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce

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  (254): It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce http://tfl.nu/ukp1
  Replies (1) Good night (446) Bad night (357)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?

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  (617): Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment? http://tfl.nu/2ow0
  Replies (2) Good night (632) Bad night (301)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.

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  (407): For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk. http://tfl.nu/qbsc
  Replies (3) Good night (452) Bad night (781)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina

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  (303): My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina http://tfl.nu/ldip
  Replies (4) Good night (563) Bad night (235)

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