ADVERTISEMENT

• (828): View more from North Carolina

  Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish

  Fav 13 4567 993

  share tweet
  

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.

  Fav 20 5589 2334

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (343): View more from Ontario

  His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted

  Fav 10 5187 1169

  share tweet
  

• (843): View more from South Carolina

  i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning

  Fav 15 4087 1028

  share tweet
  
• 

  Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (519): View more from Ontario

  You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up

  Fav 10 2907 1539

  share tweet
  

• (757): View more from Virginia

  I believe some people would call last night an orgy.

  Fav 7 4148 1170

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.

  Fav 7 2660 963

  share tweet
  

• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now

  Fav 7 2907 859

  share tweet
  

• (970): View more from Colorado

  A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.

  Fav 2 1255 830

  share tweet
  
• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (336): View more from North Carolina

  I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.

  Fav 2 1162 574

  share tweet
  

• (989): View more from Michigan

  Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.

  Fav 1 521 440

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (336): View more from North Carolina

  ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.

  Fav 0 515 366

  share tweet
  

• (347): View more from New York

  Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then

  Fav 0 21 48

  share tweet
  

• (973): View more from New Jersey

  I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night

  Fav 0 7 43

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (302): View more from Delaware

  Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes

  Fav 1 18 17

  share tweet
  

Randomize