So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
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i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
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I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.