ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
