All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
