I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
