do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
