When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
