is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
