i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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